How's life been lately?

(Written on my Notes app on October 27, 2025)

It's been a while since I haven't written a blog post. I miss writing so much. I miss processing my thoughts. I miss my old self. Not that I don’t like who I’ve become now, but I miss when my thoughts freely wandered and I let my fingers write whatever that came in mind.

So how's life lately?

I'd like to start off with today. I'm a bit tired and sleepy. I'm just done doing my devotional. I still can't help thinking about how my week went. I got sick for 2-3 days; let's start with that.

I noticed I get sick once a year. Last Tuesday, I woke up feeling feverish. I continued with my day though. I had plans with Tan to watch a play in a theater at XU, I had to be there because she won't be here in CDO for long. Stage plays. I like them. I like how people can do that kind of art; their courage to showcase their dramatic skills and talents amazes me. I've always wanted to be someone who's into arts. Growing up watching TV shows every day gave me the urge to try, but I never allowed myself to explore that, I don't even think I've expressed my curiosity and interest into it with anyone because I've never had someone who encouraged me or motivated me to do something that I want. I don't even know why. Maybe because Papa isn't an artist himself? So, I've always been a scared kid, scared to try new things. Now that I think about it, I feel like I'm the chameleon type: I adopt other people's interests instead of venturing into my own interests. What a scaredy cat I am.

I love everything arts related. I used to draw with my pen. I would draw people, especially girls with long hair. I drew a lot of Blossoms. I also drew landscapes and whatever random things. I like drawing so much but again, nobody saw that and nobody motivated me to improve it. Every time I saw a much better drawing, I would feel insecure. Then I stopped trying.

Oh, did I start off with talking about being sick? Let's get back to that. I hate being sick. I mean, who does anyway? I hate feeling helpless. I grew up having instilled in me that I shouldn't be feeling lethargic whenever I'm having a fever and instead help myself get away with it. But I never really believed in the idea of doing things myself because I want to be taken care of by Papa. I want to feel safe when I'm in my vulnerable moments. And because Papa is the best person to ask help from, I only want his attention every time I get sick. Thank God for giving me the best father one could have.

I want a husband like papa. I want a husband who doesn't mind taking care of me when I get sick. Someone who will go the extra mile to get me to recover. I want someone who won't make me feel like I'm a burden in our household. I'm such an empath and I will feel it in my gut when someone hesitates to do things with and for me. I don't want that to happen to me ever. I hate to admit that I'm such a sensitive person, but over the years, I learned to manage it because I don't want it to be the reason for being in conflict with someone else. I do well with adjusting to people, I've mastered that already. But at the same time, when I get to live with someone in the same house with me, I don't want to feel like I keep holding back just because they won't make an effort to understand my being sensitive. I go out of my way to understand a person's heart and I'm hoping my person will also do the same for me. I want it to be non-negotiable.

As I got older, I've become particular with the kind of person that I want to marry. I like someone who's undeniably a gentleman, or simply a gentle person, and that everyone gets to see it about him and they will also be treated gently by him. I want someone who's goal-oriented and knows which direction he's going. I want someone who knows himself enough, his strengths and weaknesses, to not be dragged down by anyone else's achievements or successes in life. I want someone who values his family and respects the culture that his family upholds. I love seeing someone who makes time for his extended family and won't see family gatherings as a waste of time. I want someone who makes time for his friends and would go out of his way to help them as long as his priorities are also set straight from the beginning. I like someone who finds joy in the little things than being too consumed with his job that he doesn't make time for other things or people anymore. I don't want him to be money-driven or a gold-digger. I want him to be content and secure in the Lord.

I like a man who loves music as much as I do. I just can't brush that off huhu, I must be honest. I love great music and I hope he's gonna be the same. I want to go to concerts and music festivals or gigs with my man. I like to experience getting serenaded as if it's just the two of us in the room. I like to receive letters and random cute DIY bouquets or just a single-stemmed flower, or whatever handpicked ones. Price doesn't matter, gesture does. I like getting doors opened before me by a man, it's so cute and sweet. I like it when he checks on me every once in a while like a kid on a lookout. I want to experience being super kilig and not holding myself back because I know I'm gonna get married to that man.

I want a man who allows me to make his coffee. I want to help him the best way I can with my best acts of service. I want to give random things to him that remind me of him, or even just anything that I know he likes. I want to cook for him and keep improving my cooking skills so I can serve him the best home-cooked meals he'll ever have. I want a man who is gentle with kids. A man who prioritizes his children over his barkada. I want a man who won't have a hard time choosing us—his family—over anything or anyone in this world.

I want a man who isn't afraid to ask me certain things that will help us grow individually and as a couple. Someone who isn't afraid of facing the problems together with me and gives me assurance that these things won't affect how he sees me and won't allow them to affect our marriage. I want him to honor God above everything else in this world.

I want a man who brings out the best in me, and I want to serve a man who loves me genuinely, unconditionally. And I can't wait to spend the rest of my life with the one who's God-sent, one who will make loving unconditionally easy because I know He is from God—the God who knows the kind of man that I need.

Am I ready? I'd like to think that I am. But one thing's for sure, God will give me peace when that time comes. I know how it feels to have peace in the Lord when He grants me one. And I will wait patiently for that kind of peace with that man.

Also, I like to receive certain flowers from that man, the options are in my notes app. *wink wink*

So, that's it for now!!

xx