Thank You For The Doubts

How is it possible for you not to notice how much I got hurt? But if you do, why does it seem like you don't care at all? I've always wanted to hear you ask me how I feel about what's been happening between us, but you never ever did.

You said you will always be there for me when I need you. So, if I don't need you, won't you still be there for me? Do I really have to tell you that I need you, I want you by my side, just for you to actually be with me? Do I really have to ask? Isn't there a word called "Initiative" in your own dictionary?

You said you were sorry for what you have done, but why do I feel like there are things that you still hide from me? Why do I feel like there are lies that you still haven't told me yet?

You said you don't want me to get hurt, and you choose to distance from me because you don't want to be the reason for my sadness? Seriously? Haven't you thought about asking me first about my side? Didn't you ever think that it will hurt me more if you won't tell me why you have to do these things? All I want is for you to ask me about my opinion, how I feel about the situation because isn't it supposed to be a two-way communication?

You told me how you feel about me, but why do I feel doubts? I didn't feel any assurance, I wasn't even sure if it was true, then suddenly you told me you were sorry for not fighting for your feelings and thought of giving me "real space"? Seriously? Well, thank you for telling me this because finally I felt like your feelings for me were true. Thank you for telling me this when I least expect you to say it in the worst phase of this thing we have. Thank you for not telling me this when I wanted you to reassure me when I was in doubt, Thank you for telling me this and saying you want to distance yourself from me, and because of it, I'm having doubts even more. Thank you for giving me "space" without explaining.

Thank you for the doubts.

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Raw

This has been kept in my Notes app ever since I decided to write down whatever I feel inside while I'm in this "transition"–in hopes of properly processing my emotions. See that there are dates indicated because I intended to keep everything in one note for some reason. I originally entitled this note "boop". Just to be clear, everything that you are about to read is raw and unfiltered; I didn't change anything before posting this. All of it is 100% true as dated. So here goes my vulnerability... boop  [Some time in May]   I don’t know but sometimes I feel empty. Literally. You know when you want to make time for yourself just thinking about anything but nothing comes to your mind? And then eventually sadness kicks in. I don’t know where this sadness comes from: is it an overflow of what’s inside my heart? Is it because I feel like I’m just showing a facade to people? Or is it because of the never-ending longing of God’s comfort that I don’t get because I al...
Read more

Stranger Who?

Image
Some people like making conversations. Small talks, long talks, whatever kind of talk. It's the fact that you get to know a person's perspective when you talk to them. Asking random things and such. You won't even care if you don't share anything about yourself, just as long as you're making a conversation with someone else, that's all. But then it's different when they also want to know about you. It's different when they are the ones asking you random stuff, and when they seem like they really want to know the reason behind the things you do and the reason for your decisions, your preferences—it's bizarre. Being the one who always asks, some people would think you're also the type to share a lot about yourself. The thing is, you may actually share a lot of things to people but only very few of them know what exactly you are thinking when you say or do things. That's why it's a little bit hard to compreh...
Read more

Landslide by Tiny Habits

I just listened to Landslide by Tiny Habits (originally Fleetwood Mac), and it compelled me to write another blog entry... “I took my love and I took it down” Morning of January 1, New Year, I finally decided to cut the chase with the guy that I like and been in contact with since last summer. I like him so much, though it only took me less than a year of getting to know him. He said he wanted to pursue me even though we were physically distant from each other (we met online). I allowed him. It didn’t work on my end. He couldn’t grasp the idea of actually making time and have intentional, genuine conversations with me. I know myself enough to ask that from him. I like him so much, but I had to let go of him––of the fact that we're not gonna work. I’m in the middle of participating in our local church’s annual prayer, fasting, and consecration, day 4 to be exact. Before I started reading the supplemental booklet, I grabbed my old devo journal and read my list of faith goals last 202...
Read more