Can't help but cry

Ngano man?
Ngano kailangan man mag-ingana?
Kanus-a pa?
Unsa'y makuha nimo ana?
Ngano ni-abot man ka ana?
Ngano wala ka nagsaba sauna?
Kailangan pa lugar ana para ma-happy ka?
Wala na lugar lain pamaagi para ma-happy ka?

 I was really curious. I don't know how to say what I really wanted to say at the moment. That moment which I waited for so long, to ask you what was happening to you while I was trying to be busy, to not be able to think about you like I used to since the day I realized I was into you. I was curious. I hate how curiosity creeps me in from time to time. But I'm thankful for it because if it wasn't with me that moment, what else do I get my guts from? Getting information about you from friends isn't enough, so I knew I really had to talk it out to you. That was why I can't help myself but cry in front of you. I don't know how you felt when I asked you these questions but I hope you get me. I hope you understand how much I care for you like I care for my brothers. I hope you understand how downhearted I was when I found out stuff about you, just like when I found out that one of my brothers was secretly drinking alcoholic drinks a long time ago. But maybe it's more than that, I don't know. But one thing I am sure of: I still care about you.

Sorry for not being there for quite some time, I was just helping myself to not completely fall from the dangerous pit they call love. But here I am, setting aside my feelings and getting back from where I started- the friend who talked with you over the phone and cried her problems out for hours and you telling me not to cry and just smile the pain away. Here I am, setting aside my "appetite" and letting my "reason" take over it for me not to be controlled by it and instead become more mature in choosing friendship first over emotions. I'm here, dude. My feelings may not be totally gone yet, but I'm willing as ever to set it aside and listen to you. I hope you're still the same friend who tells me his real life story. I missed you, friend. Like, totally. x


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