Danication~

I've just tried using dating apps recently. How does that make me feel? While it's fun getting to know random people, or should I say strangers, the reality of dating apps/sites is also a little disappointing because it's just so rarely that I get to encounter someone who has the same intention as I do (like just pure gtky and long conversations tbh) because most of the guys I've encountered so far, from my perspective, I could say what they actually want. They just couldn't say it outright but I know, I mean it's online dating, and I guess it's just the way it is. Welcome to the world of online dating, self!  Okay, seriously... I'm not sure if I can keep up. Genuine connection is hard to find in there even if you just want to pursue friendship. I can't really be myself because it feels as if I have to put on a facade just so I can keep up with the people I find interesting, and if I won't, then they might think I'm too much to handle and wan...

This has been kept in my Notes app ever since I decided to write down whatever I feel inside while I'm in this "transition"–in hopes of properly processing my emotions. See that there are dates indicated because I intended to keep everything in one note for some reason. I originally entitled this note "boop". Just to be clear, everything that you are about to read is raw and unfiltered; I didn't change anything before posting this. All of it is 100% true as dated. So here goes my vulnerability... boop  [Some time in May]   I don’t know but sometimes I feel empty. Literally. You know when you want to make time for yourself just thinking about anything but nothing comes to your mind? And then eventually sadness kicks in. I don’t know where this sadness comes from: is it an overflow of what’s inside my heart? Is it because I feel like I’m just showing a facade to people? Or is it because of the never-ending longing of God’s comfort that I don’t get because I al...

I swore I would be true And honey so did you So why were you holding her hand? Is that the way we stand? Were you lying all the time? Was it just a game to you? But I'm in so deep You know I'm such a fool for you You got me wrapped around your finger Do you have to let it linger? Linger // The Cranberries

Hello! How are you doing? I just want to share something that I never shared publicly. Ever since 2019 happened, I've been so careful with making plans, making big decisions, because I might get in trouble again. Just a backtrack of what happened that year: I was assigned to a faraway place for a work opportunity which I grabbed for how much it offered.  I learned a lot; experienced and discovered many new things: career wise, new perspectives from people of different places, different cultures of places that I've never been to, and personal discoveries such as things that I can't do and things that I never thought I'm capable of doing. All of those yet I can say that I wasn't at my best that time. I thought it was the best opportunity for me. I liked the idea of being miles away from home. I fancied being independent apart from my family. It was the first time that I didn't have to see them everyday for a long time, which I liked since I didn't have to deal...

Today is my second day off for this weekend. I cleaned my bedroom and tried setting up the curtain rod that I bought for my bedroom's (actually papa's but I'm owning it now lol) window. I got a little frustrated with it because I didn't have a screwdriver to bury the screws so I had to use nails; another frustration was having only a rubber mallet (I googled the term, phew) available at home, and obviously, it didn't work. I don't know how not to destroy the rubber while hammering the nails. Smh. I cooked today's brunch. We had corned beef with minced carrots and potatoes. Me and my sister take turns in cooking meals at home--well, actually with almost every household chore. We split the bills too.  After eating, I decided to go for a swim. Just to give a context, swimming was once of our (siblings) past time when we were young since we live in the seaside. So when I got older, I rarely go swimming since my adult self tells me not to get my skin too damaged ...