Grace, actually.


Hello! How are you doing?

I just want to share something that I never shared publicly.

Ever since 2019 happened, I've been so careful with making plans, making big decisions, because I might get in trouble again. Just a backtrack of what happened that year:

I was assigned to a faraway place for a work opportunity which I grabbed for how much it offered.  I learned a lot; experienced and discovered many new things: career wise, new perspectives from people of different places, different cultures of places that I've never been to, and personal discoveries such as things that I can't do and things that I never thought I'm capable of doing.

All of those yet I can say that I wasn't at my best that time. I thought it was the best opportunity for me.

I liked the idea of being miles away from home. I fancied being independent apart from my family. It was the first time that I didn't have to see them everyday for a long time, which I liked since I didn't have to deal with petty fights with any of them everyday. I didn't have my papa to constantly ask me what I was doing or where I was – no curfew that I had to be reminded of. I was in control of my own time, unless of course if it's working hours, I might get scolded by my boss if that's the case (but there was a time when I ended work earlier than I should have so I can watch a movie, so I rushed to the mall and my boss almost caught me when he phone-called me to randomly check on me. That was crazy!)

To cut the story short, I was having what I thought was the best time of my life, and then suddenly, sadness hit me.

You know what they say, that you know when things get tough if the only thing that keeps you going is your work responsibilities that you shouldn't turn away from, NOTHING more. I had that. Oh wait, I actually had two reasons. The other one that made me to actually rise up from bed everyday was my morning alarm, it was a song entitled At All Times by Victory Worship. Everyday I woke up to that alarm and I never snoozed it or stopped it. Every moment I woke up to it, I allowed it to finish playing before I'd rise up from bed. It kept me going. Every time I look back to those moments, I knew it was the grace of God. It was His way of holding me and even pulling me from my sadness every single day. It was a struggle that I never want to experience again. If I wasn't able to move forward from that situation, I probably would have experienced depression eventually. 

That event in my life helped me realize that big decisions shouldn't be made hastily. Impulse decisions don't usually bring us to places that God purposely wants us to be. He allows it to happen, yes, but it's for us to see and experience how it is if we go for things that are not according to His plans for us.

“'For I know the plans I have for you,' declares the Lord, 'plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you a hope and a future. '” — Jeremiah 29:11

 xx

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Raw

This has been kept in my Notes app ever since I decided to write down whatever I feel inside while I'm in this "transition"–in hopes of properly processing my emotions. See that there are dates indicated because I intended to keep everything in one note for some reason. I originally entitled this note "boop". Just to be clear, everything that you are about to read is raw and unfiltered; I didn't change anything before posting this. All of it is 100% true as dated. So here goes my vulnerability... boop  [Some time in May]   I don’t know but sometimes I feel empty. Literally. You know when you want to make time for yourself just thinking about anything but nothing comes to your mind? And then eventually sadness kicks in. I don’t know where this sadness comes from: is it an overflow of what’s inside my heart? Is it because I feel like I’m just showing a facade to people? Or is it because of the never-ending longing of God’s comfort that I don’t get because I al...
Read more

Stranger Who?

Image
Some people like making conversations. Small talks, long talks, whatever kind of talk. It's the fact that you get to know a person's perspective when you talk to them. Asking random things and such. You won't even care if you don't share anything about yourself, just as long as you're making a conversation with someone else, that's all. But then it's different when they also want to know about you. It's different when they are the ones asking you random stuff, and when they seem like they really want to know the reason behind the things you do and the reason for your decisions, your preferences—it's bizarre. Being the one who always asks, some people would think you're also the type to share a lot about yourself. The thing is, you may actually share a lot of things to people but only very few of them know what exactly you are thinking when you say or do things. That's why it's a little bit hard to compreh...
Read more

Landslide by Tiny Habits

I just listened to Landslide by Tiny Habits (originally Fleetwood Mac), and it compelled me to write another blog entry... “I took my love and I took it down” Morning of January 1, New Year, I finally decided to cut the chase with the guy that I like and been in contact with since last summer. I like him so much, though it only took me less than a year of getting to know him. He said he wanted to pursue me even though we were physically distant from each other (we met online). I allowed him. It didn’t work on my end. He couldn’t grasp the idea of actually making time and have intentional, genuine conversations with me. I know myself enough to ask that from him. I like him so much, but I had to let go of him––of the fact that we're not gonna work. I’m in the middle of participating in our local church’s annual prayer, fasting, and consecration, day 4 to be exact. Before I started reading the supplemental booklet, I grabbed my old devo journal and read my list of faith goals last 202...
Read more